Joy In the Process

April 4, 2020

As the day ends now

I have found true fulfillment

In what -

 

Four nights ago, I sat down to write. The above words are what I wrote down. After a while, when nothing else came to me, I reflected on what I had done during the day. When I changed my perspective of what I thought my writing should look like, I realized I had indeed written, just in a different form. 

 

This week I have used the Instagram story option more than ever before. To one person, Instagram stories might be frivolous stuff. To another, it might be the inspiration and change of pace during a time when it is much needed. While to another still, it might be an additional creative avenue to keep things feeling alive and vibrant. 

 

So the other night, when I could think of nothing else to write, I concluded that I was perfectly content with my Instagram story being my creative writing for the day because I had added captions. I did the same for the next three days because it is, if nothing else, fun. It just adds some excitement to balance out the unfortunate current event of the world. 

 

So here I am this morning, back to writing on my blog. Because I still have about a week left to fulfill my writing intention 40 Days With My Mother! One of my kids asked me a few weeks ago if it is my Lenten intention, why do I share it every day. I explained that my decision to share is my way of holding myself accountable to follow through with it. I was also looking for some community in the desert, and currently, so are others!

 

Any intention takes discipline and dedication. Discipline isn't one of my strongest traits. Throw in a significant change in the world, another form of a desert, while you are already trying to walk through a 40-day desert, it gets more complicated. Rather than being a double-dipping, it becomes an experience of a double-stripping. Thus, on some days, it has left my words here hanging by a letter or a partial sentence.

 

So, I look at where I left off the other night,

 

As the day ends now

I have found true fulfillment

In what -

 

I don't know what you call the above. I was going for a haiku because much of March turned into haiku writing. So I could look at it as an unfinished haiku. Or I could look at it as a short poem. Or I could look at it as a reflection prompt for any given day or segment of time in my life. I like this last thought. At the end of time, whether it be a day, a month, 40 days with an intention, a period of life, a moment in history, I want to rest with the knowledge that I didn't waste time away, did the best I could and didn't give up. 

 

I realize Lent has some days to go. Does it still exist with this enormous pandemic desert hovering around it? But if I used my reflection prompt for today, this Saturday before Holy Week, 30 something days after I committed to writing 40 Days With My Mother reflections, here is my response.

 

As the day (this Lenten desert) ends now

I have found true fulfillment

In the following 

 

Perhaps the intention is the exact dedication I needed to create a disciplined practice to write every single day. The process of doing has brought me great joy even when I've been challenged by it. Each letter, whether it has been in a longer piece, a haiku, an Instagram story, or an unfinished something that when I changed my perspective, titled it a reflection prompt, is a droplet of water that has quenched my thirst while journeying through the Lenten desert. This pool of droplets reflects the intention I made back in February when life was an old normal. What I see is transformation. The transformation of thinking about writing each day to indeed writing each day. That even though my dream is to publish books, my authentic and imperfect blog is a form of publishing. To fulfill an intention doesn't always mean there is a visible result at the end of each day. Fulfilling the aim is that I sat down to write each day, and there were two days that no words came to me, and I took that silence as a form of language and knew it was ok to let it rest. Ultimately, I have found joy and gratification in the process. If my dream is to happen, it will in time, with God's grace, my dedication, and not giving up hope.

 

With that, I am happy to be right here in the now, and I appreciate you being here with me. 

 

Dear Friend,

Thank you for holding my hand and walking me through the desert. A stripping away of things is challenging to experience but open my eyes and heart to see and feel a transformative sprinkling of joy in the process. 

 

Until,

Marie

 

 

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